October started off really stressful. Dad P's condition continued to decline incredibly rapidly. One day I called to check on them and Dad had just slipped out of bed. I drove down and helped and Neil and Rebecca met me there. We helped him up. The next day he fell again, then fell three times one night. It was so disheartening and stressful for us all. We wondered what we could do to keep him safe and help him be comfortable. After the 3 fall night I went to help the next morning. We decided to upgrade the airline tickets to Disneyland to first class. I helped with that and then that afternoon Sean got off work early and came to help with the wheelchair ramp. We had gotten a doorbell that Dad could ring when he needed something and Dad was sleeping in the middle of the bed with Mom on the side he usually gets out to avoid falls. Saturday was conference and we were able to help get a bedrail installed.
My mom got Lizzie a new nightgown:
On Sunday we celebrated Dad's 69th birthday. Jill had the idea to gather memories, stories and photos from people who had known Dad throughout his life. We had so many submissions and Jill worked tirelessly to make the most wonderful 70 page book of letters and memories. Dad was up and sitting in his chair, but he was very very weak and tired. We got a boston cream pie that he was able to eat a little of and we zoomed with the East Coast Petersons while he opened gifts and we sang to him. He didn't have a lot to say but he did have lots of smiles.
On Monday morning Rebecca and I met over at Mom and Dad P's for a pulmonology telehealth appointment. It was unfortunately not very helpful since the pulmonologist didn't really understand what was going on and Dad couldn't wake up for the appointment. After talking with Mom for a bit, Rebecca and I went to the medical supply store to try and get a wheelchair. As Rebecca and I had talked about the Disneyland trip we were super concerned if it could happen. Going to the front room was a huge thing, so getting to the airport seemed impossible. Mom P had mentioned that they would just stay in their room and we could come visit and share what things we had done. Rebecca and I kinda decided we didn't think it was a good idea to go. We had a little FaceTime call that night with Neil, Rebecca, Mom, and Dad in Orem and Sean and I in Bluffdale. We decided that we would cancel the Disney trip. Dad was a bit confused but was happy when he understood that Brandon and Eric would come to Utah instead. It was an incredibly hard decision to make, but we knew he just wasn't strong enough. Neil gave Dad a shave that night and left a fun mustache.
I'm pretty sure it was that night that Mom called Sean in the night because Dad was in a lot of pain and was feeling really anxious. A heating pad and Tylenol helped enough to get him some rest. The next morning after dropping the kids off I went down to help cancel the flights and the hotel and park reservations. Hospice ended up coming near the end of my visit to talk about their services and how they could help. Dad was asleep for all that time. I texted Rebecca to come for the hospice visit. I had to go get Lizzie from school, but I wanted one of us to be there. Mom decided that signing on with hospice was a good idea. Later that afternoon someone came to give dad a sponge bath, bring in a wheelchair, and deliver emergency pain medicine to keep in the house.
On Wednesday night we went to visit. Uncle Dale and Romolo had just arrived from Colorado. Dad was asleep while we were there. He had been in pain again and they had given him some morphine. Sean and I said our goodbyes that night while dad slept with a peaceful smile on his face. He was breathing very slowly.
At this point we were all talking about how this was the end and we needed to help prepare mom. Brian was planning to go over and have a talk with mom about mortuaries, funerals, and all that stuff. I was nervous and felt like they shouldn't talk about that yet. But I told Brian I trusted him and he of course did a great job. They had a good talk and Mom understood that Dad was likely to pass within the next week. Brian offered to spend the night from then on just in case Dad passed at night so that mom wouldn't be alone. I had a field trip for Alana on Thursday and Rebecca had a sub job, so we were so grateful that Jill's parents had her kids so she could spend the day with them. As the texts and calls all started coming in that afternoon about how things were going and how Eric was moving up his flight. He was supposed to arrive Sunday, but now was coming on Friday night. Things were going so fast. Dad had spent the day mostly resting, Jill and Mom had read him some letters. Sean was coming home from work and we were going to head straight there. The kids didn't want to drive down so the neighbors said they could come play. I was talking with Rebecca about how fast you can do a funeral because she was wondering if she should cancel her Disney trip in case he passed and we needed to have the funeral while everyone was in town. I called my parents to ask them since they have had experience planning funerals. We got in the car and I called Rebecca back and she was crying and asked if I had read Neil's text. Neil had texted "It happened" At 5:40 pm with mom and Neil, Dad had passed away. I looked down at the yellow roses I had bought for Dad and wished I had brought them a few days earlier. He was so weak and just couldn't hang on any more. We drove down and Brian met us at the door with big hugs, Mom and Neil were in the room with Dad and Rebecca just arrived too. We went in a hugged and cried. And Mom comforted us all as she said he was at peace and this was what he wanted. Neil told us he looked relieved as he passed from the pain and weakness. There was a flurry of calls to be made, the hospice nurse and aid arrived to prepare the body, the mortuary was called, the Bishop and Relief Society President came and the hospice chaplain. Sean and I said our final goodbyes to dads body and then we drove home to tell our kids. The kids were sad and cried and felt all the feelings. Lizzie asked me to pull her loose tooth out and then she ran around excitedly preparing for the tooth fairy. Sean packed an overnight bag and left to go back to Mom's house where the mortuary was coming and he was going to sleep over with mom. The kids and I watched the Lion King and then we all went to bed and slept.
Sean's work was so amazing and went right to work canceling appointments and offering kind words. Kari and Nick let the kids come play friday morning since I didn't want to send them to school and worry about pickups and drop offs. I drove down to Orem and we all packed in the car to head to the mortuary to plan the funeral. There were lots of decisions to make and we decided on Tuesday for the funeral because that was when everyone would be here including Uncle Brian from France. We then drove to two cemeteries and picked one. And we went to work. Planning a funeral is a lot of work. I was the go between for the funeral home and the Relief Society President. Sean wrote the obituary and put together a slide show. Neil and Rebecca prepared for everyone to come stay at their house and made sure we had plenty of food and the church was scheduled. Brian and Jill put together framed photos, helped mom find and purchase the cemetery plots. Eric was there staying at the house helping with everything and Brandon and Michal arrived to help comfort, dress Dad's body in his temple clothes, and for Brandon to speak at the funeral. I was so grateful to be part of such an amazing family. Everyone loved each other and worked together. The following days were a bit of a blur, but one fun thing was Sean buying a new suit in 10 min on Monday morning. He walked in, told the guy he needed a suit that day, tried one on and left 20 min later with it hemmed. We also celebrated Brandon and Neil's 40th birthday.
The yellow roses I bought for Dad since when he was little he had yellow pajamas and they would call him the "yellow rose of texas"
There was a viewing at 10, funeral at 11, graveside service right after, and then a lunch at the church after. It was wonderful to see so many people come on such short notice to celebrate Darrell's life. It was a beautiful service and someone from the ward made a youtube link so people could join virtually or watch it later. Last I saw it had been viewed 82 times. =) My favorite part of the funeral was when the kids and sons and brothers sang I am a child of God with one of the verses in German. We were also able to get a bagpiper to come play during the graveside service.
Through all of this I have been so grateful for my faith in Jesus Christ. I think I could feel that we were preparing to help Dad graduate from this life to the next soon and have found myself listening to an Easter playlist I have. I listened to it on the morning I went to the ALS appointment with Dad and found so much comfort in the promises of our Savior. A few days before the funeral I listened to a beautiful Shawna Edwards song and the lyrics really hit me "And from every page there's a message that rings to sinners and saints and to beggars and kings to Come unto Christ from darkness to light, he is hope in the journey and peace in the strife. Come unto Christ through struggle and storm. He is love that changes everything and grace to bring us safely home." That last line of "Grace to bring us safely home" hits me so hard and I know that through Jesus Christ, Dad P is safely home with his Heavenly Father. I am so grateful too, that through that same Grace, our family will be together again.
Man, what a hard month for you guys! I'm happy you saw the silver lining amidst the sorrow. Hugs!
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